Rediscovering Resilience – Rediscovering Resilience

After lunch one day, I got the hankering for something sweet, which is totally normal for me…I found a box of See’s candy hidden in the pantry I bought for Christmas and never opened. I guess I hid it so good even I couldn’t find it. My favorite chocolates of theirs are the nuts and chews, so I picked one of those carmel ones with the cluster of walnuts that sits of a bed of dark chocolate. As I started chewing it I could feel it was abnormally sticky…like chewing on a tough piece of beef jerky that’d been left out on the counter overnight. On the second bite I felt a strange sensation and instantly knew something was wrong. The crown on my back tooth had seamlessly popped off.

What’s ironic is just a couple months ago I had the same issue with this tooth so I knew it was time to bite the bullet and get it fixed. I don’t know what you’re like when it comes to dental procedures but I am not a fan of field trips to the dentist’s office. I get very anxious, even though I don’t consider myself a typically anxious person. I’m a pretty even keel gal and it takes a lot to rattle me…EXCEPT, when I go to the dentist! All of a sudden I’m a 7 year old little girl in pigtails who needs her blanket.

I quickly grabbed my phone, called the dentist’s office and thankfully, got an appointment within a couple days and was able to go in and get the crown replaced. I politely ask the receptionist on the phone if they could give me a little “something” to help me relax before the procedure. When I arrived later that week, as I was sitting in the chair, I made sure to let the hygienist know I ALSO wanted the nitrous oxide (or “laughing gas,” though really this was no laughing matter). Hopefully, this would help me relax even more so I would not have to feel anything, (or as little as possible at least).

As I was sitting there feeling pretty woozy and relaxed, she came back to check on me to see if I had numbed up yet. What felt like seconds later she said I was ready. The dentist came in, sat down, and confirmed I was good to go. What he said next is what caught me off guard…he said, “Wow, you numb fast.”

In general that may not seem like a significant statement, but for me it hit me like a ton of bricks. As he started to poke around, I could slowly feel a small tear slide it’s way down the side of my cheek because to me it meant a whole lot more.

The reason his words hit me so deep was because it made me realize the pain life has brought me at times has been so unbearable. When the drill grinds and reshapes me it can be too much to face in the moment and I want nothing more than to numb the pain so I don’t feel the experience anymore. I don’t want to feel the work being done in me. I feel flooded with emotions and don’t know where or how to begin processing them. It’s easier to check out than it is to deal with these feelings head on.

Maybe you’re like me too. The pain of your situation may feel so unbearable and overwhelming you tend to feel flooded with so many emotions you shut down. You may try to ease the pain with different things so you don’t have to feel the hurt, in hopes it will all go away. For you it may be a substance, a relationship, food, shopping, gambling, work, or staying so busy you don’t have time to deal with the pain from wounds too deep to reconcile. I get it. No matter the vice – a bandaid is still a bandaid and not meant to be a permanent solution.

Marc Brackett, Ph.D in his exemplary work in “Permission to Feel” says this,

…feelings are inconvenient. So we do our best to ignore them. The irony, though is that when we ignore our feelings, or suppress them, they only become stronger. The really powerful emotions build up inside us, like a dark force that inevitably poisons everything we do, whether we like it or not. Hurt feelings don’t vanish on their own. They don’t heal themselves. If we don’t express our emotions, they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due.”

Unfortunately, no matter how much we try to numb ourselves, the anesthetic of choice is only temporary. The numbness will eventually wear off and the pain needs another suture. Until we stop pretending it doesn’t hurt, undress the wound, and deal with the root issue, we will continue to bear the symptoms of a broken heart that can only be healed by Jesus.

Numbing may feel like a great alternative, or quick fix, but it stiffles wholeness, true healing and freedom. The problem with numbing is we can’t numb the bad parts without also numbing the good parts of ourselves. When we numb our painful emotions we also numb the good ones. If you struggle to feel joy or pleasure you may want to consider if numbing has been part of the armor you wear that helps you manage uncertainty in your life.

God want’s more for you than just to experience temporary numbing for your pain. He wants to heal your pain completely. He wants to take it away – for good. In fact, He went so far as to die on the cross to take away your pain, so you could trade your sorrows for His joy. He wants to give you life more abundantly and hope for the future.

You don’t have to suffer through life numbing your way through trauma, pain, anxiety or crisis. White knuckling through life can stop today by letting Him be your great Physician. In fact, one of the names of God is Jehovah Rapha, meaning “God our healer,” or “the God who heals.” The Hebrew word “Rapha” not only means to heal but to restore or mend, cure or make whole.

Jehovah Rapha offers so much more than anesthesia. He offers Himself, the author and perfecter of our faith, offering hope and peace, healing and strength, forgiveness and freedom rest and restoration; that’s just to name a few.

It’s time to put the novocain away, stop the numbing and ask the Holy Spirit to come and do what only He can do; heal the hidden wounds running far beyond what eyes can see.

May God’s soothing balm wash over you as you put your trust in Him. As He works in your heart may you find freedom, joy AND peace in the precious, healing name of Jesus.

I pray this song would minister to you as you turn to Jesus in your time of need...

Jesus,

the only one who can free us

the only one who can take our broken things and make them whole

Jesus, the only one who really sees us

the only one who can take our mess and make it beautiful

Jesus

_{“Jesus “
Written by: JONATHAN TRAYLOR, MELODY NOEL, JACOB EVERGREEN
Influence Music}

Disclaimer: If you are experiencing life threatening thoughts because the pain you’re experiencing is too much to handle on your own, please seek out help and call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

Photo by Aphiwat chuangchoem on Pexels.com

My teenagers have been fascinated with these increasingly popular Escape Rooms. Admittedly, they intrigue me. I like the thought of solving cases and putting puzzles together, after all that’s why I’ve watched every episode of Monk. What I don’t like is having to find these clues and solve those mysteries in the dark!

About a year ago our family decided to do one of these escape rooms, and yes it really was a lot of fun. I’d highly recommend it for a memorable family bonding adventure. You’ll learn more about each other, who has to be in control, who can’t handle the stress, and to what lengths each of you will go to solve the clues.

The gratifying part of this experience is each time you unlock a clue, it leads to another clue, then another, and another, and well…you get the point, till you finally make your way out of a thematic “room” of your choosing. Likewise, over the past several years I’ve been on a journey of unlocking different clues in my life. A sort of quest for self-discovery and healing from unprocessed emotional wounds. From the little “t” trauma, when I burned my arm with a pot of boiling water at age 4, to the Big “T” trauma of losing my sister to a very rare and aggressive cancer as an adult. I don’t think many of us escape, (no pun intended), this life without some experience that forever reconfigures the landscape of our hearts, leaving us scarred with little and big “T’s” in our life. A common thread of suffering and pain that none of us are exempt from is the part of humanity we all get to share.

When I hit 40, maybe a little bit before, I became a voracious reader; which is pretty hilarious considering I hated reading as a teenager and even young adult. I could barely remember what I read from one page to the next so I would easily get frustrated and give up prematurely. However, when I entered this new “age bracket,” I became intentional about my personal growth and my craving was insatiable. With each book I read, with each podcast I listened to, every sermon I watched, every challenging conversation with a friend, or difficult counseling appointment I had, I felt like I was unlocking one clue after another. It was a freeing domino effect of one “ah-ha” moment after another. I’m so grateful for this awareness because I’ve learned more about myself than I thought possible. For example, I’ve discovered what my attachment style is, why I act the way I do (well to some degree at least), what enneagram number I am, what makes me resilient and how unprocessed emotions really do affect me physically and how I’ve struggled with Alexythimia (the inability to recognize or describe feelings) my whole life because of my upbringing.

During difficult seasons when I wanted God to shine a blaring spotlight on my path so I could see what was going to happen next, He ususally gave me just enough light for the step I was on. Often He didn’t give me a whole lot more than what was in front of me. I belive that was deliberate. I mean could you imagine if He gave us, upfront, ALL the keys to the escape room so we could open up every lock at once? That would kind of be anti-climactic, don’t you think? Like reading the last page of a novel before the first. Not to say I haven’t done that either…

As long as we stay curious of what’s next, always wanting to uncover the next hidden truth and chase after fresh revelation God has for us in each season, we will get to the hidden treasure if we don’t loose heart and give up. The good news is we’re not being “punked” and God doesn’t toy with our emotions, that’s not who He is. Wisdom is calling out to all of us, and there is a definite treasure to be found if we respond.

My friend I encourage you to search for your hidden treasure. You will not be disappointed. Even in the darkest of times You may not get the blaring spotlight but God will give you just enough light for the step you’re on and you will never be alone. Surprisingly, you may even find some hidden gems along the way. Now go unlock some clues!

Proverbs 2:2-11 (NLT)

“Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Then you will understand what it means to fear the LORD, and you will gain knowledge of God.

For the LORD grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him.

Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.”

Tag: Rediscovering Resilience

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